


Taking Off

by missingrequiem (burakkukarasu)



Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, Written in 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23835691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burakkukarasu/pseuds/missingrequiem
Summary: Taka has feelings for Toru, but the only thing Toru has with him is an affair.
Relationships: Morita Takahiro/Yamashita Toru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Taking Off

_"Realizing, everything I love is slowly killing me"_ _  
  
  
_Toru’s fingers on his skin burned like fire, like something he should not come in contact with if he didn’t want his body to get hurt. It pained so badly, even though his touch was familiar, likewise his smell, the sound of his voice - all of it things Taka had come to know so well over the years. He sighed and leaned back into the pillows. Toru was gentle, took good care of his body but still, every brush of his fingertips, every kiss he placed on his skin, every word the other man whispered into his ear hurt Taka and broke him more and more apart.  
  
Toru wasn’t good for him.  
  
“Taka, c’mon,” the other moaned as he rocked their bodies in a steady rhythm. It had started a few months ago, an idea that had crossed their minds out of nowhere, and Taka _wished_ , wished so desperately they’d never come up with anything that night, let alone agreed to it. Having sex to help each other let go of their daily stress had initially sounded like a win win situation; being able to take care of your needs without wasting time having to look for potential partners. They had wanted to have some fun, wanted to relax, and it all had worked out until Taka had came to notice something with him that had eventually turned out to be a fatal problem: he got attached. Toru would caress him, make him feel loved and wanted, make him feel happy and secure only to leave Taka before the other even woke up the next morning.  
  
And this was something that was difficult to bear with.  
  
The other side of the bed would still be warm when he woke up, the other pillow would still smell like the other man and Taka would feel emptier than he had ever before. Emptier than the night before, emptier than the previous week they had followed the very same routine, emptier than whenever Toru looked at him with an expression in his eyes he considered everyone with, all of their _friends_. And it would break Taka’s heart.  
  
“…’s…so close, Toru…,” Taka whimpered, squirming underneath the bigger body. Occasions like these were the only chances he got to get this close to the man, even though he knew better than that. He knew the pain he’d go through as soon as he noticed the other’s absence, he knew about the tears that would start falling once he was alone again. He knew he should let go of Toru if he didn’t want himself to get hurt any more.  
  
What a masochist he had become, his volition slipping through the other’s fingers like the blond strands he sometimes was allowed to brush his own through.  
  
Not falling in love had been the one single condition under which they both had agreed to this affair, yet there he was, clinging onto the other body as if its very presence was the only thing that kept him sane anymore. It had been one simple rule and Taka had still managed to fail fulfilling even that. Toru didn’t know about his inner conflict, of course he didn’t, and he would never find out. Being physically close to him was better than nothing, better than having the man avoid him because of his feelings in any case.  
  
Toru dropped onto the mattress next to him, breathing heavily.  
  
“God,” he groaned, “being on tour really makes you neglect your needs.” There was a genuine smile sent into Taka’s direction and Taka appreciated the gesture, but in reality all the vocalist wished for were those well defined lips to cover his own more than anything. They didn’t kiss, never had. Because that was something exclusive to lovers, and that’s not what they were.

Lovers.  
  
“Are you gonna stay the night?” Taka asked carefully, rolling onto his stomach. It wouldn’t make a difference whether Toru left now or in a few hours since Taka would be waking up alone either way, however, being curled next to someone else and feeling another person's warmth helped him fall asleep. For a few hours it would chase away the loneliness that he had so much of caged inside his heart because he had fallen for the one single person he could not have.  
  
“No, sorry,” Toru answered, slowly getting up from the bed, and grabbed his black shirt that had carelessly thrown to the ground before. “I’m actually seeing someone tonight.”  
  
As he put on his pants he checked his phone, smirked at whatever he got to read on it, and Taka didn’t like the sight, didn’t like not knowing what was going on in the other man's life outside of the band anymore despite knowing all too well that he was in no position to chase after these wishes.  
  
They’d been close, they’d known everything about each other. But things changed. Time passed. People grew older, gained life experience, found their significant other and fell in love. Some were lucky and others got their hearts broken. That’s how things were, that’s what he had to accept.  
  
He was no exception.  
  
“Is she pretty?”  
  
“Very.”  
  
Taka blinked, watched Toru head towards the door of his hotel room. He hadn’t meant to actually ask that question. He hadn’t meant to receive information he wasn’t able to process. He hadn’t meant to find out Toru would be having a date with a beautiful woman, a person whose position Taka could never be in. Toru was his forbidden fruit; the most beautiful amongst them all but the only one he was forbidden to taste.  
  
“I’ll be off then. Goodnight, Taka.”  
  
The door closed before he could give a response, and for another night, another endless night, Taka was left alone in a bed that felt way too big for only one person. Toru wasn’t aware of what he did to him, how could he know, how could he have an idea of how miserable Taka was as soon as he left. Having fallen in love had been his very own fault and not being able to end whatever weird affair they were having because he was too dependant on the other man's closeness was his own problem too. And being so helplessly in love, being so helplessly at someone’s mercy was hell.  
  
And it killed him inside. Every day a little more.  
  
Taka bit his lip as he felt the salty tears fall from his eyes, falling onto the white fabric of his bedsheets.


End file.
